SHORT/ONE LINE JOKE COLLECTIONS

Jokes	Category
Yo mama so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"	Yo momma jokes
How do you fix a broken website? With stick e-tape.	Internet jokes
What kind of girl does a hamburger like? Any girl named Patty!	Burger jokes
A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."	Bar jokes
How does a witch make scrambled eggs? She holds the pan and gets two friends to make the stove shake with fright.	Food jokes
Yo Mama soooo old she was wearing a Jesus starter jacket!	Yo momma jokes
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.	Marriage jokes
What did the little ghost give his mom for Mother's Day? A booquet of flowers.	Ghost jokes
What do you get if you cross a salmon, a bird's leg and a hand ? Birdsthigh fish fingers !	Fishing jokes
Why did the Gorilla fail English? He had little Ape-titude!	Gorilla jokes
Why did the mexicans fight so hard for the alamo? They wanted 4 clean walls to spray paint.	Ethnic jokes
What's the easiest way for a Gorilla hunter to make money? Collect unemployment insurance!	Hunting jokes
This hillbilly is traveling across Texas when a state policeman pulls him over. "You got any I.D.?" the patrolman asked." "'Bout what?" the hillbilly replied.	Police jokes
What was the name of the hog who was knighted by King Arthur? Sir Lunchalot.	Pig jokes
Mayne and Willard, two idiots, were in a rowboat on a lake fishing. Suddenly the spray from a motorboat racing by flooded their boat. "How we gonna get the water out?" asked Mayne. "Easy," said Willard. "We just bore a hole in the bottom of the boat and let the water drain out." The men drilled a hole in the bottom, and more water started rushing in. "Wait a minute!" exclaimed Mayne. "We need another hole so's the water comin' in through the first one has a place to go back into the lake!"	Idiot and fool jokes
Q.How can you tell when a Chicago Fireman is dead? A. The remote control slips from his hand.	Firefighter jokes
What do you get if you cross a wireless with a hairdresser ? Radio waves !	Hair and bald jokes
What lives in the ocean, is grouchy and hates neighbours ? A hermit crab !	Various animal jokes
What does CPA stand for? Can't Produce Anything	Accountant jokes
What happened when the cannibals ate a comedian? They had a feast of fun.	Cannibal jokes
Why were ancient Egyptian children confused? Because their daddies were mummies.	Children jokes
Back in the Old West three Texas cowboys were about to be hung for cattle rustling. The lynch mob brought the three men to a tree right at the edge of the Rio Grande. The idea was that when each man had died, they'd cut the rope and he'd drop into the river and drift out of sight They put the first cowboy in the noose, but he was so sweaty and greasy he slipped out, fell in the river and swam to freedom. They tied the noose around the second cowboy's head. He, too, oozed out of the rope, dropped into the river and got away. As they dragged the third Texan to the scaffold, he resisted, "Please! Would yaw'l tighten that noose a little bit? I can't swim!"	Cowboy jokes
Why did the duck stick his leg into a computer? He wanted to have webbed feet.	Computer jokes
Dont' Wake the Baby by Elsie Cries	Book title jokes
What do you call an aardvark in a frying pan? A lardvark!	Aardvark jokes
Q: Why do blondes put rulers on their foreheads? A: They want to measure their intelligence.	Blonde jokes
Q: Did you hear about the Polak who married an Amish woman? A: He drove her buggy.	Ethnic jokes
Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number two's hand. Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, "What is this?" to which accountant number one replies, "it's that $50 I owe you."	Accountant jokes
What would you get if you crossed a witch with a famous movie director? Steven Spellberg!	Witch jokes
Q. What do a hurricane, a tornado, and a redneck divorce all have in common? A. Someone's going to lose their trailer...	Divorce jokes
A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"	beer
Q. Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome, a good lover and a stimulating partner? A. In the pages of a romance novel.	Men jokes
What disease do horses fear most? Hay Fever!	Horse jokes
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."	Aviation jokes
A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. "Mommy," she said. "Can we leave now?" "No," her mother replied. "Well, I think I have to throw up!" "Then go out the front door and to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush." In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat. "Did you throw up?" her mother asked. "Yes," the little girl replied. "Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and return so quickly?" "I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy." the little girl replied. "They have a box next to the front door that says, 'For the sick'."	Religious jokes
Doctor, Doctor I've just swallowed a pen Well sit down and write your name!	Doctor and nurse jokes
Q: Why are blondes hurt by people's words? A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.	Blonde jokes
What is the bees favourite film ? The Sting !	Insect jokes
Knock Knock Who's there ! Avery ! Avery who ? Avery time I come to your house we go through this !	Knock Knock jokes
So one day, Gramma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma's kitchen. "Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?" Gramma asked him. "I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma" exclaimed Johnny. "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!" "Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!" "Well, Gramma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"	Humor jokes
Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk by again?	Humor jokes
What is the best type of story to tell a runaway horse? A tale of whoa!	Horse jokes
How can you double your money? Look at it in a mirror.	Money jokes
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes - why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?	Answer me this jokes
A family of tortoises went into a cafe for some ice cream. They sat down and were about to start when Father Tortoise said, "I think it's going to rain. Junior, will you pop home and fetch my umbrella?" So off went junior for Father's umbrella, but three days later he still hadn't returned. "I think, dear," said Mother Tortoise to Father Tortoise, "that we had better eat junior's ice cream before it melts." And a voice from the door said, "If you do that I won't go."	Various animal jokes
What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman? Sexual harassment.	Dirty jokes
What do you get if you cross a skunk and a dinosaur? A stinkasaurus!	Various animal jokes
How do you stop a dog smelling ? Put a peg on it's nose !	Dog jokes
I came in to make an appointment with the dentist.	Dentist jokes
Have you seen www.shelterfromtherain.com? Yes, but it doesn't really stand out.	Internet jokes