Waiter, this coffee tastes like dirt! Yes sir, thats because it was only ground this morning.

Waiter! Waiter! This salad is frozen solid. Yes, sir. It's the iceberg lettuce that does it.

CUSTOMER: How do you make a pig float? WAITER: Just give him an inner tube.

CUSTOMER: Can you make a pig shake? WAITER: Tell him the wolf is coming.

CUSTOMER: Can you make a pig cooler? WAITER: Sure, spray him with a hose.

Waiter!

Sir you haven't touched your custard. I'm just waiting for the fly to stop using it as a trampoline !

Waiter, can you get rid of this fly in my starter ! I can't do that sir, he's not had his main course yet !

Waiter, there is a frog in my soup ! Don't worry sir there isn't enough there to drown him !

Waiter, there is a dead fly in my soup ! No its not, it's a piece of dirt that looks like one !