Bob and Tom both like to golf. One day Bob went to Tom and said, "Hey look at this great ball!" Tom replied, "What's so great about it?" Bob said, "Well if you lose it, it will beep until you find it, and if it goes into the water it will float. This ball is impossible to lose!" "Wow!", said Tom, "Where did you get that from?" Bob replied, "I found it."

Q: What did the football say to the football player? A: I get a kick out of you.

Q: What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A: A bad golfer goes, WHACK! "Damn." A bad skydiver goes, "Damn." WHACK!

Did you hear about the underwater snooker player? He was a pool shark!

How many Man U. fans does it take to change a lightbulb? One to change the lightbulb, and one to drive down to Kent to pick him/her up.

Q: What's the difference between David Beckham and an airplane model kit? A: One's a glueless kit and the other's a clueless git!

Q: What is the difference between Liverpool football and a tea bag? A: The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

What stories are told by basketball players ? Tall stories !

What is a runner's favourite subject in school ? Jog-raphy !

Why do artists never win when they play football ? They keep drawing !